Monday, September 28, 2009

Art and life

There's a lot of things in my life that are up in the air right now. It can feel quite overwhelming. It is overwhelming. I saw this photograph at the MET yesterday and was immediately fascinated by it. The picture, The Leap Into The Void, is actually a photomontage taken by Harry Shunk of the French artist Yves Klein leaping into the air. I stood there for a few minutes taking it in, looking at his face and realizing how much I feel like this man. He looks free, he looks scared, he looks bold. Arms stretched out and looking out ahead of him, he falls into the void.

Oh how this picture captures my life right now. I, too, am leaping and looking out ahead of me as I fall. Risks are being taken, decisions made and while I'm not quite certain of any of them, there is one difference between my life and this picture. I am not falling into the void. I am falling into the everlasting arms of God. Oh what comfort that is to me now, what reassurance.

I have decided to end my time in New York City. I gave myself the month of September to find a job and while I had a couple of job opportunities to come up, I quickly felt that I couldn't fully commit to them, nor did I want to. I feel like my heart is being pulled down South and I want to be closer to my family. I will be moving to Charlotte to live in a house (a house!) with two other great girls and this is such an answer to prayer. I will look for a job once I get there and already have an appointment to start volunteering with a children's hospital in Charlotte. I've also had thoughts of joining the Junior League and excitement for what is to come in a new town, with old and new friends.

While I rather quickly made this decision, and while I have had second thoughts, I feel like this is where I should be. It's the next step in my life. I'm not sure who it was, perhaps Elisabeth Elliot or even TK, who said, "Just do the next thing." Simple as it is, in my chaos of moving and uncertainty, I find myself trying not to think too much but to do the next thing that has to get done. But oh how I will miss my friends here. What community, acceptance and fun I have had in New York. Some of the best times of my life.

So, here's to what's to come. But at least I know that I am falling, ever so blindly, into the arms of God. And that's the only place I ever want to be.


mellamovaca said...

hi carrie. it's elisabeth elliot, i just read it the other day. :)

Erin said...

Wow, big news Carrie! Love you so much!!!

Ginny said...

congratulations on making a tough decision. you've fought such a fight and tried your best with such a level head. and a huge heart.

ginna said...

One day very soon I'll call and ask what's new and you'll have a very ordinary response like "I stepped in gum this morning" or "I just finished folding my laundry" or "there's nothing new in my life, but this is what I'm watching on TV." I promise, very soon. :D